SUMMER IS THE SEASON TO BLOSSOM

Hello Readers!

I hope you have all been enjoying your summer! Summer is literally speeding at a ridiculous rate and I am not ok with that.  

The Introverted Freak

I am confident, I am loud , I am funny, the person everyone looks to when they're want to have a good time. 

This is who I used to be, somewhere along the line, somewhere in between my seventeen years, that all changed. Somewhere along the line I became shy, scared, the introverted freak. 

For at least a year , I have been trying to rebuild myself. I noticed that when I talked to new people, I just couldn't get my words out, I couldn't find anything interesting to say. People would look at me as if to say 'What are you?' 

I began avoiding social situations around this time too, if anything came up , I would find an excuse, pretend I was busy, pretend I was ill. I would battle within myself whenever I had to speak to someone, only at the end of it to loose myself every time. I was scared to speak.

Slowly, I tried and I tried to morph into the person I wanted to be. I tried to be confident, trying to make people laugh the moment I met them. I tried creating eye contact, I stopped trying to let my eyes wander of into the distance whenever I spoked to someone. I worked hard to be the new  me.

And I thought I had succeeded.

Sometimes it just takes a small encounter to make a big difference. 

I had been working with a company for a week, most of them where men in their 30s , being here, I had told myself, was to be the biggest test of my progress. 

I started the week with a real willingness to change, I would smile , greet people when I saw them, I was so proud. But  again , this was short lived, my confidence seemed to suffer several knock backs as I just couldn't seem to get anything right. I had spent the week writing for them and every time I showed them something, it seemed to be wrong. I just didn't understand how the only thing I thought I could rely on , writing, one of my few skills, could fail me when I needed it most.

That was not the real wake up call.

The week was over and it was time to evaluate my progress. I was certain they were going to say things like  ' you struggled a little bit at the start but you really improved.' This would have been great compared to what actually happened.

Instead, I felt my world turn in a matter of seconds.

Shy, lacking confidence, uninterested, ME.

I was the introverted freak.

All week, I had been certain, the looks I had been getting were looks of encouragement and the endless cups of tea were signs of care. Now all I thought of was pity. I imagined how when I left at the end of the day they would gather and have conversations like ' isn't she strange , the poor thing must be scared out of her mind .'- I didn't want their pity.

Why was it that I had been trying so hard yet the world seemed to be against me?

Sometimes it just takes a small encounter to make a big difference. 

After this, I returned home trying to hide my sadness and embarrassment from my family. I found myself in my room once again , eating and watching TV. I sought refuge in my favourite show, My Mad Fat Diary, The main character, Rae Earl, reminded me of myself sometimes. Those of you who have watched the show will know that Rae Earl messes up often but unlike me , somehow she manages to pull herself pull through.

Through an emotional final episode, something she said stuck with me:  "I've got to do this on my own." 

The answer had been staring at me all along. I realised that the only person stopping my progression was me , I was the one holding me back  no one else.

So today I start. My journey begins today . I may never be loud or  funny and people may never look at me when they want to have a good time but I, for one , will be confident in who I am and that's all I want to be.

WHEN SHE WRITES' ULITIMATE SPRING ESSENTIALS GUIDE

original image: tumblr

At laaaasssstttt! Spring is final upon us!  I am the only one who's mood completely changes once the sun is out? I start wanting to do more things, explore more, read more, shop more , spend time with friends and all round just have a good time. Spring is the prep for summer, the starter before the main course , a little taste of what is yet to come. And of course here at when she writes, I couldn't leave you with out a special list to get you through the season. My favourite books, must go to shops and spring activities packed in one place: these are just a few recommendations that I usually do to make spring just that bit better. Enjoy!

WHEN SHE TALKS: HOW CONFIDENCE REALLY CHANGES THINGS

 

Raise your hands if at least once , you have found yourself no longer wanting to do something that you once loved?

Yep, that is you and me both. (you can put you hands down now) My oh ,my have I missed blogging.  However recently I felt like something was about to threaten my future in blogging: I no longer felt that my blog was 'good enough'. I have been reading your comments and I would love to thank you all for your kind words in my mini blogger break. I guess you could say that these thoughts were all to do with one major thing: confidence

THE BEST AND THE WORST: HIGH SCHOOL MEMORIES

At aged 16 and now nearing the end of my first year of sixth form, it suddenly dawned on me that in just over a year I will be leaving high school never to see its face again. These, as adults often say, are meant to be the best days of your life, the times that you will never forget. Yet in just over a year it will all be over. For good. And you know what.... I have never been happier.

WHEN SHE WRITES RETURNS!

Hello All! I have missed you all very much! I feel like since I temporarily left the blogging world I have pretty much forgotten how to write, so please bear with me! Some of you may have noticed that my posts have been a lot less frequent on this blog and I have done a bit of a disappearing act on here. Fear not, I have returned! To be honest, I no longer had as much time to blog, I felt like my posts weren't really good enough and above all, I didn't really feel like blogging.

 

But that was then- this is now. I want to make some changes around here but those changes will be gradual. I can't promise you daily posts but I can promise you often. I want to blog about things that are truly and deeply important. I wan to hear what you all have to say! So, I ask you all a little favour: if you want to, please comment below a question/topic that you want my perspective on, I will do my best to give my honest viewpoint in a blog post.

 

Sorry for the barely there post, but I promise it is only up from here!

 

Thanks for reading!

5 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD LEAVE YOUR COMFORT ZONE

original picture polyvore

 



Ahhh the comfort zone, it is a wonderful, wonderful place to be .... said me for the past 16 years of my life. I hated the idea of having to change my routine or having to do difficult tasks because it felt safer that way. But to be honest I eventually got tired of living this repetitive, unexciting lifestyle